Oh and it's the academic realm now

I am so happy that I finally got my blog set up. I had previous difficulty, I know I don't really expect you to commiserate, as the wonders of technology are benefitting everyone, but I find that I just have no time and energy these days. Its as if my stamina has been eviscerated from my existence. Lately I have imbued myself with Radical Feminist and Gender Theory Literature, after all it is within these scholarly constraints that I would like to pursue my academic endeavours. Ah the wonders of academia, yet the very prescient sad reality of academia. I don't know why now at this precise point in my life, I choose to pursue this realm, to deflect from my chosen purpose in life. Perhaps it is merely transitory. I have realised in these couple of days how obliterating and self destructure academia can be. Not so much academia but rather academics. It our entire undergraduate and graduate years, it is profoundly sad as to the type of influence that academics exert in our lives. They can randomly build you up and subsequently tear you down so easily. The trusth is, I never really know how to interact with these people, I always seem to have it, in the back of my mind, that really they are remarkably accomplished individuals, but yet sometimes they lack the premise to a basic ingriendient in life, counfounded by their pretentious pHd's and academic scholarly work, they exude no humanity. I am one rather sensitive of stereotypes and monolithic assumptions, and I am nevertheless not negating the deeply important work of academics over social policy, policy in general and world affairs, I just believe that the manner in which they do it, is rather self fulfilling, almost tyrannical at times, and sometimes, completely alienated from the real world. Incontrovertibly, some of the most convivial and amiable individuals I know, are academics, but I find myself rather critical and self conscious, in my presence with academics. Maybe it's an over estimation, maybe it's a woman of color issue, maybe its that I am overtly passionate about things in life. Maybe the direct aesthetic of the academic is somewhat obscured by their prolonged efforts at trying to bridge gaps between narratives, analysis and stated facts. That sounds deeply obfuscating. I find that I am always aware of the incorrigibly, not only of their presence but their bookish and intimidating attitudes. Well if there is anybody who is bookish it's definitely me.
I am too confounded and restraint by the no less than three books that I read a week. Indeed I am driving myself crazy, obsessed with needing to and wanting to know everything, driven by my own inadequacies. So if I am so deeply critical of academia, why do I wish to emulate them or be like them?
I don't know, I am not saying that it's te only possibility I have, I have many options and I believe that we all exude potential, but why do I choose this realm now, when I have seen it's adversities?